It's days like this...

Sometimes you get to wondering why things happen the way they do. I can't say I'm a believer in the theory that "everything happens for a reason" because frankly I just don't think that's true in any instance. We all have consequences and obviously nature produces cause and effect, but what about those things you can't explain? It's not about questioning God or suggesting that he's cruel for letting devastating things happen to people or environments, the question is how do we cope with those circumstances and apply whatever change of heart or lesson that it's generated to our daily life? I try to do that thoughtfully and I think because of my belief system I accept, to the best of my ability the promptings and emotions that come with that. Some things are harder than others, some are easily dealt with in a matter of days and more and more they're harder and harder for me. If you can't change it, do you just accept it?

I'm a pretty private person and for both Jordan and I it's natural to keep private family dirt both good and bad to ourselves. My obsessive need to control an outcome is instinctual. Lately it's not working so well and I'm transparent. I guess that's what you get when you're the mother of a two year old that requires an obscene amount of attention. I just can't get away with keeping it to myself and playing pretend. I use to be shamelessly good at keeping up appearances. I now sit and watch my two year old creatively stuff 20 mini cookie cutters in to one little sock, repeat everything I say even when it's terrible and wipe away tears and snot with the little amount of grace I have. I love it and it doesn't compare to anything in this world. I am grateful to have a healthy, happy child that is amazingly eager to learn everything under the sun. A little boy who is so thoughtful and caring. A little boy who says bless you' when I sneeze or gives me a squeeze when he thinks I'm hurt or sad. It's just enough to keep me up and at um.

So today I choose to thank those who help me so much and take Sam on days that aren't sunny. Thanks for playing with him, teaching him new things and filling his tummy and heart with all the warm fuzzies he needs. Your help is something I greatly appreciate.