Patience

I'm the very worst at patience. THE VERY WORST. I don't know anyone worse than me, well other than maybe Sam and that's my fault so I digress. I know for a fact that I probably could have been one of the little ones that didn't eat the marshmallow, but not because I wanted two, but simply on the basis that I don't care for them very much. If it would have been a slice of white bread or a chocolate cake donut...the "one" would have been gobbled up so fast you wouldn't have even known it had sat on the plate before me. I know Sam would gobble it up too. Jordan however would wait and sit quietly and wait for his "two". He would have waited in quiet contemplation and sorted out the complex sugar structure of the marshmallow as well as tried to classify the exact proprietary color space of the white of the marshmallow. I sure hope this means that Sam will have some of his patience without my lack of it leaching it from him.

I had a good long conversation with a close friend last evening and tried to come up with some solutions of my lack of patience and all around deficiencies. I realize that when I'm spewing my concerns, the answers are coming out right alongside the question. This isn't a blessing to me, it just makes me feel dumb.  I don't however have the ability to compartmentalize the answers to my questions and be done with it and move on. I have told to just speak to God frankly and just open my mouse and let it out. Makes sense to me, but I don't know how to ask for stuff that I feel I shouldn't ask for. How exactly do you straighten out an actual need verses a potentially valuable want? Maybe what I feel I need isn't really what is meant for me. Maybe what I want is trivial and meaningless in the big picture even though on the surface we're constantly told we need it to obtain eternal glory? What if the Jehovah's Witness' are right and there really isn't enough space in heaven for all of us? My own personal tower of babel has been confounded once again and even though the answer is to quit building one...I just can't stop. In the meantime it will be the game of wanting and waiting and waiting and wanting.

It is a virtue...patience. It is however not one of mine.